I Now Pronounce You…

We have all heard, seen, and witnessed the ritual of marriage. The Priest, Justice of the Peace, or whatever always concludes the ceremony with ‘ By the powers invested in me, I now pronounce you Man & Wife, you may kiss the bride’ but what do we say, when it is two women, or two men being joined together?

When I was married, the Rabbi said I now pronounce you Husband & Husband, but you know, that just doesn’t have a good ring to it. Nor does Wife & Wife, or Man & Man, etc.  There simply doesn’t seem to be a good way to refer to the two parties, that sings, that rings of romance, of union.

I joke around and call David ‘the wife’ or Mom will call him ‘the little woman’ but truth is, while funny, it just doesn’t fit. David is not a ‘wife’ or ‘little woman’. He is a man, may be short in height, a bit, but in now so in other ways. He doesn’t do the dishes, as much as I do, nor the laundry, but he does do his share, like vacuuming. We share the household duties, as it should be, but how do we refer to each other?

And before you say it, spouse is just too legal, too dry and well, boring.

I can’t go call him ‘bitch‘ as many wouldn’t understand, so I wonder, how do we address this nagging issue.It is important, because it is Public Relations. IT does define the relationship, in some weird way, so I am wondering, should we now say  “I pronounce you Top & Bottom” or perhaps ‘I now pronounce you Ying & Yang’.

Kind of like them both, though the first is definately tongue in cheek. I mean can you see George Bush or Stephen Harper attending a gay marriage, and the Priest or Pastor saying to the two men/women:  I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU TOP AND BOTTOM, YOU MAY KISS

Perhaps, Ying & Yang is better suited, as it does have a more acceptable connotation, where in ancient times, it did refer to the union of two parts, the Ying & the Yang.  It is gender neutral, and I don’t know, has a nice ring to it.